There was a man whom the Prophet ﷺ described as one of the people of Paradise, not once, but three days in a row. The Companions were curious about what deed could earn such a status. One of them stayed as a guest in the man's home for three nights to find out, but he saw no extraordinary worship. Even so, this man was promised Paradise.
What did he have that outweighed even great acts of worship?
The answer comes later in this article. First, ask yourself a question:
Are you someone who says, "I can forgive, but I can't forget"? Or, "Until they apologize first, I will never speak to them again"?
If so, this article is for you.
Refusing to forgive feels like strength, but in reality it is a burden we carry around in our hearts. And its price is paid not only in this world, but in the Hereafter as well.
Allah's Question, and the Answer Is Yours
When Abu Bakr (RA) stopped supporting his relative Mistah because Mistah had joined those who slandered his daughter Aisha (RA), Allah revealed:
"Let them pardon and overlook. Would you not like Allah to forgive you?" (Surah An-Nur 24:22)
Consider this: the hurt was a slander against the Mother of the Believers, and yet the command was to forgive. Abu Bakr replied, "Yes, by Allah! I love that Allah should forgive me," and he restored Mistah's support (Sahih al-Bukhari).
Now the same question is put to you: do you want Allah to forgive you? Then forgive the one who hurt you.
Those Who Show No Mercy Will Not Be Shown Mercy
The Prophet ﷺ said:
"Whoever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy." (Sahih al-Bukhari, Sahih Muslim)
One day we will stand before Allah with our own sins, and we will need mercy too. Whoever hopes for mercy must learn to give it.
Common Excuses and Their Answers
"They should apologize first." The Prophet ﷺ said that the better of two Muslims who have fallen out is the one who greets the other first (Sahih al-Bukhari, Sahih Muslim). Stubbornly waiting for the other person deprives us of that goodness.
"If I forgive them, people will think I'm weak." The Prophet ﷺ said: "Allah increases a servant who forgives only in honor." (Sahih Muslim 2588) Allah, not people, guarantees your honor.
"They insulted me badly." Allah says: "The recompense for an evil is an evil like it, but whoever forgives and makes reconciliation, his reward is with Allah." (Surah Ash-Shura 42:40) The one responsible for this reward is Allah Himself.
"I can't forget." Forgetting completely is not required, but cleansing the heart of resentment is. Begin with prayer and let go of the desire for revenge. Allah will make the rest easier.
The Cost of Holding a Grudge
Your deeds are held back: The Prophet ﷺ said that deeds are presented to Allah on Mondays and Thursdays, and every servant who does not associate anything with Allah is forgiven, except a man who has hatred between himself and his brother. It is said: "Delay these two until they reconcile." (Sahih Muslim 2565)
Cutting off relations is forbidden: The Prophet ﷺ said: "It is not lawful for a Muslim to forsake his brother for more than three days." (Sahih al-Bukhari, Sahih Muslim)
The reckoning on the Day of Judgment: The Prophet ﷺ asked: "Do you know who is bankrupt?" Then he explained that the bankrupt one is he who comes on the Day of Resurrection with prayer, fasting, and charity, but he had insulted one person, slandered another, and consumed another's wealth. His good deeds will be given to those he wronged, and if they run out, their sins will be thrown onto him (Sahih Muslim 2581). Forgiving today is a way to escape tomorrow's reckoning.
Lessons from the Seerah: When They Had the Power to Take Revenge
The Conquest of Makkah: Those who had persecuted the Prophet ﷺ for roughly twenty years, driven him from his homeland, and killed his Companions stood before him. The Seerah records that he declared a general amnesty. This forgiveness was given from a position of full strength, not weakness.
Ta'if: Though stoned until he bled, the Prophet ﷺ refused the angel of the mountains' offer to destroy the town, and hoped instead for good from their descendants (Sahih al-Bukhari, Sahih Muslim).
Prophet Yusuf (AS): To the brothers who had thrown him into the well, standing helpless before him, he said: "No blame will there be upon you today. May Allah forgive you." (Surah Yusuf 12:92)
If the prophets forgave after such great wrongs, how small our "I can't" begins to look.
A Clarification
Forgiveness does not mean tolerating oppression again and again, nor is it obligatory to give up a legitimate right. Taking equal recompense for a wrong is permitted (Surah Ash-Shura 42:41), and the path of justice through the courts remains open. But the Quran's message is clear: patience and forgiveness are among the matters of great resolve (Surah Ash-Shura 42:43), and those who restrain their anger and pardon people are among those Allah loves (Surah Aal-e-Imran 3:133-134).
So Who Was the Man of Paradise, and What Was His Secret?
Anas (RA) narrates that one day the Prophet ﷺ said: "A man of Paradise will now come to you." An Ansari Companion appeared. The next day the Prophet ﷺ said the same, and the same Ansari came. On the third day, it happened again.
Abdullah ibn Amr (RA) stayed three nights at the man's home to learn his secret, but saw no great act of worship. Finally he asked him, and the Ansari replied:
"I do not hold any ill feeling in my heart toward any Muslim, and I do not envy anyone for the good Allah has given them."
Abdullah ibn Amr said: "This is exactly what has brought you to that rank, and it is something we are not able to do." (Musnad Ahmad)
That was the secret: a clean heart. No special litany, no exhausting effort, just forgiving everyone before going to sleep.
Take These 5 Steps Today
- Write down one name: the person you find hardest to forgive.
- Pray two rak'ahs and make this dua: "O Allah, remove the resentment toward this person from my heart."
- Make dua for their good. This is the fastest way to lift the weight from your heart.
- Take the first step yourself: a greeting, a message, or a call. One sentence is enough.
- Remember the reward: you are not begging their forgiveness, you are buying your own forgiveness from Allah.
The Bottom Line
Life is short and the reckoning is severe. Do we really want to meet Allah carrying a night's worth of resentment in our hearts? Whoever learns to forgive has earned peace in this world and Allah's promise in the Hereafter.
So decide today: I will forgive, so that Allah may forgive me.
Dua: O Allah, cleanse our hearts of resentment, envy, and hostility, make us people who forgive, and forgive our shortcomings. Ameen.
Sources: The Holy Quran; Sahih al-Bukhari; Sahih Muslim; Musnad Ahmad.
